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If you have ever caught yourself mentally replaying an awkward interaction at work, wondering whether it was harmless or inappropriate, you are not alone. Maybe it was a comment that felt just a little too personal, or a pat on the back that lingered just a millisecond too long. You tell yourself not to overthink it. But, before long, you’re asking the same question so many clients ask me: Is this sexual harassment, or am I overreacting?
The truth is, you are probably not overreacting – you’re paying attention.
Learning to Trust Your Gut
When something feels off, it usually is. That uneasy feeling in your stomach is your first line of defense. It is how your body tells you that a boundary has been crossed, even before your mind can fully process it.
Sometimes it is not one big moment but a series of small ones. A coworker stands a little too close or maintains eye contact too long. A supervisor who texts you after hours to “check in.” It is very easy to brush off each scenario on its own, but together, those scenarios build an overarching story that becomes difficult to ignore.
Grooming in the Workplace
Some of the most insidious situations begin with what seems like harmless friendliness. Grooming in the workplace often looks like chipping away at your boundaries over time. What begins as friendly or flattering attention slowly shifts into something more personal and difficult to avoid.
Maybe the person starts texting you outside of work hours, asking about your weekend. Maybe they then start complimenting your appearance in a way that makes you pause. They might make you feel special, like you are being singled out for attention or mentorship. But over time, those lines blur, and what once felt like professional guidance or friendship starts to feel like pressure.
These situations are especially difficult because they do not start with clear malice. Perpetrators often lull their victims into a sense of safety, presenting their behavior as harmless until it becomes impossible to ignore.
What the Law Considers Sexual Harassment
Under both New York State and federal law, sexual harassment includes any unwelcome sexual conduct that creates a hostile work environment or affects the terms of your employment. It does not have to be physical. It does not have to come from a supervisor.
This can include:
- Unwanted comments or jokes about your body or personal life
- Flirtatious or suggestive messages
- Repeated advances after you have said no
- Inappropriate touching or gestures
- Retaliation for rejecting or reporting this behavior
The key word is unwelcome. You do not need to prove intent or physical contact. If it makes you uncomfortable, intimidated, or unsafe, it matters.
You Are Not Overreacting
Many people minimize their experiences because they have been conditioned to. You are told to keep the peace, not to cause trouble, or to “take a joke.” You’re encouraged to laugh it off to appear easygoing or professional. But professionalism should never mean enduring behavior that makes you feel small, threatened, or victimized.
If something makes you uncomfortable, it is worth addressing. You can document it, tell someone you trust, or speak to an attorney who can help you assess what happened and what options you have. That is not overreacting. That is protecting yourself.
Moving Forward
It takes courage to acknowledge when something feels wrong. It takes even more to act on it. Reporting misconduct not only protects you, but also helps create a workplace that is safer for everyone and encourages others to stand up when something feels wrong. If any of this sounds familiar, you certainly do not have to face it alone.
At Phillips & Associates, PLLC, we have represented employees across New York who were unsure at first whether what they experienced “counted” as harassment. Our role is to help you understand your rights and take action with confidence, compassion, and strength.
You are not overreacting. You are standing up for yourself - and that is where change begins.