You’re ambitious, capable, and good at your job. That’s exactly why it feels so confusing when the attention from the top starts to shift: praise that lingers a little too long, “guidance” that arrives after hours, invitations framed as career-boosting opportunities that somehow always feel personal.

You tell yourself it’s normal. You tell yourself you’re lucky. And then one day you realize the knot in your stomach isn’t imposter syndrome. It’s the slow, deliberate tightening of control disguised as support.

At Phillips & Associates, PLLC, we see this pattern repeatedly. Not because survivors are imagining things, but because workplaces still allow leaders to operate in environments where they face no real downside for blurring lines. The result is predictable: grooming, coercion, and harassment that leave lasting damage.

And right now, that predictability is becoming a liability for employers who ignore it.

The Hidden Mechanics of Grooming: Why Proximity to Power Makes Assistants Especially Vulnerable

Executive assistants, administrative professionals, and personal aides occupy a unique and exposed position. You manage calendars, travel, confidential information, and other intimate details very few others see. That proximity naturally builds trust. When a leader exploits it, the imbalance is stark and immediate.

They control:

• Your workload and schedule
• Your visibility to senior stakeholders
• Your performance narrative
• Your next opportunity—or lack of one

You control almost none of those things.

This absent reciprocity—where one person carries all the risk while the other faces none—is the soil in which grooming takes root. It often begins innocently enough: extra mentorship sessions, thoughtful feedback, small favors that make you feel chosen. Over time those favors accumulate into obligation. The praise becomes personal. The check-ins become constant. The “optional” dinner becomes a test of loyalty.

You might be thinking: “But he’s never outright demanded anything sexual—does this even count as harassment?” It counts. Case arguments increasingly recognize that harassment doesn’t require explicit propositions. When job benefits, working conditions, or career trajectory are tied—even subtly—to personal compliance, that’s quid pro quo. When pervasive comments, messages, or demands create dread rather than focus, that’s a hostile work environment.

The Moment Doubt Turns Into Survival Mode

In one case we handled, the assistant started noticing the shift six months in. Late-night texts moved from strategy questions to compliments about her appearance. When she set gentle boundaries (“I’m signing off for the night”), feedback in meetings suddenly turned critical. Assignments she used to own went to others. The message was subtle but unmistakable: access and approval were conditional.

She began documenting everything, second-guessing every response, and waking up anxious about what the day would bring. Her performance—once stellar—began to slip, not from lack of skill but from the constant emotional tax of navigating threat.

You might be wondering: “If I speak up, will I be the one who ends up looking unstable or ungrateful?” That fear is common and understandable. Groomers often rely on it, framing themselves as generous mentors while casting any resistance as disloyalty or oversensitivity. But texts, emails, and patterns of retaliation set the tone.

The Shifting Legal Landscape: Why the Old Excuses Are Losing Power

Something fundamental has changed since the heightened awareness of the late 2010s. Decision-makers have heard too many stories of unchecked authority. They are now asking a different question: Who actually faced consequences when boundaries were crossed?

When the answer is consistently “only the person with less power,” outcomes reflect that reality. We are seeing clear trends:

• Closer scrutiny of digital boundaries. Late-night texts, requests for personal photos, and invasive questions about dating lives are being treated as serious violations, not harmless eccentricities of driven leaders. Awards are possible even when medical documentation is minimal—trauma doesn’t always come with a diagnosis code.
• Reduced tolerance for “I didn’t know” defenses from supervisors and companies. Patterns of ignored red flags or inadequate reporting channels are triggering direct liability.
• Sustained elevation of baseline expectations. Companies without robust, genuinely enforced policies will face presumptions of negligence. The era of “we have a policy in the handbook” as a shield is ending.

These are structural corrections to environments that have allowed one-sided risk for too long.

If This Feels Familiar: Practical, Protective Steps You Can Take Today

You’re not overreacting. You’re noticing a pattern that courts are finally punishing.

Here’s what many of our clients wish they had known earlier:

1. Trust your instincts first. If interactions leave you anxious, rehearsing responses, or feeling smaller, that’s valid information.
2. Document neutrally and thoroughly. Screenshots with dates, exact wording, timelines of how feedback or opportunities shifted after boundaries were set. Patterns speak louder than any single incident.
3. Explore options confidentially. An experienced employment attorney can review your situation, explain strengths and risks, and often secure protections before you ever file formally. Many resolutions happen quietly, with compensation and career restoration, preserving your privacy.
4. Protect your network. Quietly strengthen connections outside your current reporting line—industry contacts, mentors elsewhere, updated LinkedIn. You are not trapped.
5. Know retaliation is illegal—and provable. Any adverse change after you raise concerns (formally or informally) strengthens your position.

You might be thinking: “But I need this job. What if nothing changes?” Many of our clients felt exactly that. Most now work in healthier environments with better titles, higher pay, and genuine support—because holding the prior employer accountable created leverage for a dignified exit and fresh start.

A New Reality Is Emerging—and It Favors Those Who Speak Up

Those who have come through this with us didn’t just survive. They rebuilt stronger:

• One now runs operations for a competitor and mentors young assistants with clear, respectful boundaries.
• Another negotiated a package that funded her MBA while protecting her reputation.
• Several have shared (anonymously) that the settlement gave them the financial runway to leave toxic industries entirely.

Their stories end not in defeat, but in reclaimed agency.

If you’re carrying the weight of something similar, you don’t have to carry it alone.

Phillips & Associates, PLLC has recovered over $300 million for employees facing exactly these imbalances, handling thousands of matters with discretion and results. We serve New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Florida—and we start every conversation with listening, not pressure.

Your career should expand your possibilities, not shrink your sense of self. If something feels off, reach out for a confidential, no-obligation conversation. We’re here to help you understand your options and take back control.

You deserve a workplace where “mentorship” means growth without strings. Let’s make that real—together. Contact Phillips & Associates, PLLC today at (866) 229-9441 for a free consultation.